NOW is the Time

"The richest place in the world," he said, "is the graveyard." As a teenager, I was captivated by this man and his message.  His words attached to something deep inside of me, catapulting me to where I am today.  Dr. Myles Munroe's central message of the importance of fulfilling your God-given purpose planted seeds not just in me, but in millions around the globe.  

I aspire to be like him:  a woman who knows her purpose, pursues it, and helps others do the same.  And I aspire to leave this earth the same way that he did:  on my way to do what I was created to do.

Rest in His Presence, Dr. Munroe, knowing that you fulfilled your God-given purpose.

Integrity Sucks

Yeah, I said it.  Integrity sucks because you can't just do what you want to do.  You can't just do what serves you in the moment.  You have to be subject to someone or something:  the truth, God, your conscience...

A few weeks ago, I was walking back to my car, which was parked on Arizona Avenue in Santa Monica, CA.  (Now, I have parked my car in this area two times a week for the last year.)  As I got closer to my car, I noticed a white piece of paper stuck under my windshield wiper.  "It can't be a ticket," I thought.  "I'm not parked illegally."  But yes, it was a ticket, and yes, I was parked illegally.   The sign above my car clearly read, "Permit required." "What?!"  For months I had parked a few car lanes from this spot, and there was no sign there.  

So here I am, holding a $62 ticket in my hand, and I am enraged.  The guy on the balcony above me yelled out, "Contest it!  Tell them there wasn't a sign there."  And for a few minutes, I think about doing it.  I am on a tight budget, and $62 is a lot of money to pay because I didn't see a sign.  But, I feel a pull on the inside of me to live with integrity and decide to not contest it.  It takes me nearly two weeks, however, before I go online to pay it cause the thought of giving the city of Santa Monica $62 for an honest mistake feels incredulous and kind of unjust (If I dare use the word "justice" to describe a matter so trivial.) But I pay it, begrudgingly.

The next week I head into the 99cent store by my house to pick up a few items.  I'm at the checkout, and my items are being rung up, but I tell the cashier that I will be right back and quickly run to the next aisle to grab some gum.  I come back, she gives me the total, and I pay with my debit card.  I'm turning to walk away when she asks whose gum it is that she's about to ring up.  I say "Mine."  She looks a little annoyed and instead of ringing it up, hands it to me.  I'm walking towards the door and am like, "Did she just GIVE me that gum, without ringing it up?  Well.. it must be okay, since she did it and she works here."  But as I get closer to the door, I realize that taking it would be stealing, even if she did hand it to me.  So, I take the gum out of my bag and stick it on a boxes of Pringles stacked next to the exit.

Why do I share these two stories?  Because sometimes, integrity sucks.  It is inconvenient.  You don't get what you want.  You have to take the long route when you're in a rush.  You have to pay money that you don't really have.  But what makes it worth it is knowing that God sees you, and knowing that you are being trained to be trustworthy in any situation-whether people are watching or not.

Body Aches

My body aches.

My body aches, my head hurts, & my heart cries 'cause I can't process it all:

Nonsensical killings.
Police brutality.
White fear being unleashed on black bodies. legally. lawfully. immorally.
unchecked.  unseen by news outlets.
invisible crimes perpetrated on invisible lives.

Bloated bellies atop Mountains being painted red from the blood of beheaded boys and girls.

It's easier to ignore, I know, than to bother to read the lengthy atrocious accounts.  It's easier to open up People Magazine to see what North West is wearing than to look at the little black girl in Missouri who is terrified by the armed policeman outside her apartment.  It's easier to laugh at a Robin Williams' movie and focus on the torture of one individual than that of thousands.

I know.  I get it.  You don't want your body to ache, your head to hurt, or your heart to cry.