Integrity Sucks

Yeah, I said it.  Integrity sucks because you can't just do what you want to do.  You can't just do what serves you in the moment.  You have to be subject to someone or something:  the truth, God, your conscience...

A few weeks ago, I was walking back to my car, which was parked on Arizona Avenue in Santa Monica, CA.  (Now, I have parked my car in this area two times a week for the last year.)  As I got closer to my car, I noticed a white piece of paper stuck under my windshield wiper.  "It can't be a ticket," I thought.  "I'm not parked illegally."  But yes, it was a ticket, and yes, I was parked illegally.   The sign above my car clearly read, "Permit required." "What?!"  For months I had parked a few car lanes from this spot, and there was no sign there.  

So here I am, holding a $62 ticket in my hand, and I am enraged.  The guy on the balcony above me yelled out, "Contest it!  Tell them there wasn't a sign there."  And for a few minutes, I think about doing it.  I am on a tight budget, and $62 is a lot of money to pay because I didn't see a sign.  But, I feel a pull on the inside of me to live with integrity and decide to not contest it.  It takes me nearly two weeks, however, before I go online to pay it cause the thought of giving the city of Santa Monica $62 for an honest mistake feels incredulous and kind of unjust (If I dare use the word "justice" to describe a matter so trivial.) But I pay it, begrudgingly.

The next week I head into the 99cent store by my house to pick up a few items.  I'm at the checkout, and my items are being rung up, but I tell the cashier that I will be right back and quickly run to the next aisle to grab some gum.  I come back, she gives me the total, and I pay with my debit card.  I'm turning to walk away when she asks whose gum it is that she's about to ring up.  I say "Mine."  She looks a little annoyed and instead of ringing it up, hands it to me.  I'm walking towards the door and am like, "Did she just GIVE me that gum, without ringing it up?  Well.. it must be okay, since she did it and she works here."  But as I get closer to the door, I realize that taking it would be stealing, even if she did hand it to me.  So, I take the gum out of my bag and stick it on a boxes of Pringles stacked next to the exit.

Why do I share these two stories?  Because sometimes, integrity sucks.  It is inconvenient.  You don't get what you want.  You have to take the long route when you're in a rush.  You have to pay money that you don't really have.  But what makes it worth it is knowing that God sees you, and knowing that you are being trained to be trustworthy in any situation-whether people are watching or not.

Happy Independence Day???

To be brutally honest, I have a love-hate relationship with the United States. In high school, I altered the Pledge of Allegiance that I recited.  Instead of declaring that our country had liberty and justice "for all," I declared "with liberty and justice for some." Recently, I stopped saying the Pledge altogether because it's really hard to declare my allegiance to a country that has and continues to oppress, cripple, and maim its own citizens.  At the same time, I love what my country offers me—freedom on so many levels, including the freedom of religion, freedom of speech, and knowing that as a young African American woman, nothing is outside of my reach, including a chance at the Presidency.

Herein lies the problem:  The same country that affords me so many opportunities is the same one that denies me so many more.  While becoming the President of the United States (or minimally the First Lady) may be within my reach, I must also wrestle with the fact that my ancestors were enslaved and denied their humanity in this country.  I feel the effects of that in my family and my community to this very day. 

Every year, when paying taxes, I am reminded of the fact that the gap in household income between blacks and whites hasn't narrowed in the last 50 years, since MLK's "I Have a Dream" speech, and that the wealth disparity between whites and blacks grew even wider during the Great Recession, according to the Washington Post.  

I live with the reality that I may make less money than my counterparts because 1) I'm African American, and 2) I'm a woman, even though I graduated from one of the most elite colleges in the country.  Racism, classism and oppression aren’t just in our country’s past; they live in our present.

It's hard for me to grasp how a country that affords so much can deny so much.  But it is possible. After all, this is the land of endless possibilities.

Happy (Belated) Independence Day.

Humility that isn't really humility

1. Growing up Christian, you learn to be humble.  You learn to not think too much of yourself 'cause 1) you're not God, 2) your days are finite, and 3) you're no better than your neighbor.   As a performer, I hear a lot of praise, (after I walk off stage or when I'm on set), and I've had to do a lot of soul-searching about how to embrace humility in an industry that exalts people and itself.  This is what I've learned:

I've learned that humility isn't about not thinking too much of yourself, or thinking less of yourself.  Humility is about understanding who God created you to be, and being secure in that, and it's about being secure with what you are not.  It is about understanding that your identity doesn't come from what you do, while also understanding what you're absolutely amazing at and sharing it with the world—not because you need people’s approval or have a narcissistic need to share, but because to hide it would be selfish; it would be denying the world of the gift that God gave you to share.  

Humility is practicing until you put in your 10,000 hours and practicing some more because you recognize that you can always get better.  Alternately, humility is choosing to not practice sometimes because your grandma needs a ride to the store, because rest is the yang of work, or because you understand that your gift(s) to the world is only a small part of the reason for your existence.  

Today, I stand and walk in humility.  I thank God that I am incredibly smart, delightfully funny, and creatively thoughtful. 

I vacationed in the mountains of Ojai, California last week.  Here’s what I observed.

The Top 10 Signs You’re Not in L.A. Anymore

1.  You’re surrounded by green trees and mountains nearly everywhere you go.

2.  Each morning you awake to the sounds of a natural river running right outside your bedroom door.

3.  You can drink the tap water unfiltered, without fear of disease or infection.

4.  Your neighbor apologizes for the loud noises at 1am (not party music, but the sound of two chickens being attacked by a wild animal).

5.  You go the speed limit (35mph) on a one-lane road, and NO ONE hunks their horn at you or tailgates you. (Although they do pass you by quickly once the road splits into two lanes.)

6.  People drive big trucks not for show, but because they actually need them to haul stuff (like hay, animals, and the like).

7.  You drive to the beach and find a parking spot in the first lot you drive into.

8.  You park your car in that lot and nearly gasp when you learn that you don’t have to pay to park.

9.  You go for a 1 ½ hour hike and only run into two other people the entire time.

10.  As you walk back to your cabin along the side of the road, you are approached by a man in a car asking if you’d like him to take picture of you.  You say no and he makes a u-turn, approaches you again, this time asking if you need a ride.  You say no again and start to get scared.  Is he lurking behind the next curve, waiting to grab you?  As you contemplate how you will fight him off if it comes to that, another man slows down to ask if you need a ride.  You say no.  You wonder if the people here are genuinely that nice, or if you’re going to end up like those chicks that end up in polaroid pictures on the desks of police detectives in episodes of CSI.  But, you make it back to your cabin unscathed and realize that the people here really are that nice.

Mullings on an American Holiday

It's unfortunate that the most I think about veterans and the men and women who have fought and died for my country is when I watch reruns of the TV show, Army Wives. But this weekend, I made a conscious effort to really think about how much U.S. veterans have sacrificed on my behalf.

Although I've never personally known anyone who's died in war, I thought about families who have, and for the first time realized that for them, Memorial Day is not about barbeques, beach picnics, and a day off work. To them it's a day of remembering a slain life.  While we spend the day with our loved ones, they spend the day grieving the loss of theirs.  And while we bring sodas to picnics, they bring flowers to gravesites. 

The disparity is unfair, yet real, like war itself.

This Memorial Day, may you remember not just those who were slain, but those who were left to mourn them.

Curiosity Killed the Culture

It fascinates me that in today’s culture, we feel that almost everything we need to learn, or see, or read, is just one click away.  Need a new book? Click on Amazon to buy it.  Or, click (or touch) on your Kindle to order it there.  Want a new hairstyle? Upload a pic of your face and click to see what new styles will (and won’t) go with the shape of your head.  Dissatisfied with your church? Most churches have websites now, so a new faith community is only a click away as well!

As clicking offers a convenience never before known, and we can easily click from our desktops, laptops, netbooks, phones, and other devices, I’ve started to think that perhaps I should give a little more thought to what I choose to click.  If you’re an avid reader like me, then you probably often scour the Internet, facebook, and perhaps even a real, live newspaper, for your news.  And you’ve probably, like me, noticed a trend in today’s news—that there isn’t much news in it anymore.  Sure, there are lots of stories, stories broadcast 24-7 via cable news channels and web outlets, but a lot of them are stories about celebrities—what they said, did, wore, or conjecture about all three.  (January and February are big months for this, especially due to all of the awards shows.)  What I am not saying that all of these stories should be banned—that none of them are newsworthy.  What I am saying is that in today’s culture, what the news media and advertisers choose to publish and broadcast is based on what we choose to click on.  If we choose to click on a story that discusses the famine in the Sudan, then more advertising dollars go to the site that published that article, and if we choose to click on the story that shows the picture of Beyonce and Jay-Z’s daughter, then TMZ gets those advertising dollars.

Resultantly, news editors begin to say that no one cares about stories about the Sudan (or stories about Africa, or stories about war, or famine), and before you know it, the only time we have the option to click on a story about the Sudan is if Beyonce decides to visit it, because that will be deemed newsworthy.  As our culture moves to in-taking most of its news (and everything else) from the Internet, I encourage you to think before you click.  Is the story, or video, or picture that you are about to click something that you think the world needs more of?  Less of?  Do you really need to satisfy your curiousity, or can you choose to click on something else—something more uplifting, something more important.

From first-hand experience, I know that it’s hard to resist clicking on things that you know won’t at all add to your intellectual capital. (I did it when I clicked on the picture of Blue Ivy Carter. She is beautiful, just like her mama.)  But I’ve been making it a point, as a reader and as an emerging writer, to consider the power that I exercise with each click.

One of my friends—a wife, mother, and writer, recently lost her son Logan to cancer.  She decided to document their family’s journey through a blog.  Here is a link to her tribute to him:  http://voices.yahoo.com/tribute-big-hearted-little-hero-10971802.html

Please click on it, and if you find it important, pass it on to others who might feel the same.

60 Seconds

Of late, I've realized how much I procrastinate.  And it's not because I'm lazy. And it's not because I lack ambition. I procrastinate because I feel like I don'thave enough time, perpetually.  If I need to write my blog, but only have 15 minutes, I put it off because I don't feel like fifteen minutes is enough time to write a decent blog entry.  If I need to clean up my house, I may find myself neglecting it on a Saturday morning because I don't have at least an hour to devote to cleaning.  Recently I've realized how many different things (both big and small, very important and not as important) I put off doing because I sense a dearth of time.

But, I've started experimenting with starting projects that I don't think that I have enough time to accomplish, just to see how much time it really takes to get stuff done.  And, guess what? I'm getting a lot more stuff done.  And you know what else? I'm realizing that sometimes, my perception of how much time it takes to accomplish a task is fictional. In fact, it's a fantastic fable told over and over in my head.  And each day the tasks remains undone is another day the fable feels more and more true.

A few weeks ago, I had a conversation with a good friend of mine.  He reminded me how much precious time is, and how much can be accomplished in a mere 60 seconds.  So, started experimenting with how many things I could do in sixty seconds.

Here's what I concluded.  In 60 seconds, you can:

• Listen to the traffic report on the radio
• Text a friend to see how they're doing
• Pray the Lord's Prayer
• Create a to-do list for the day, to maintain sanity
• Call your grandma just because (they love this)
• Update your facebook status
• Water your plants
• Take a swig (or many) from your water bottle
• Take a minute to close your eyes, breathe deeply, and just relax
• Clean your bathroom sink and counters (okay, it takes like 2 minutes, but you get the point)

There's SO MUCH that we can do (or not do) every minute!  And every day, we get 86,400 of them! 

Now I'm inspired to use my time more thoughtfully, considering carefully what I will and won't do with my daily minute allotment.

What I Miss About Our Pre-9/11 World

Yesterday marked the ten year anniversary of one of the saddest days in U.S. history, the September 11 terrorist attacks.  It's hard to believe that ten years have passed. I remember getting ready for work Monday, September 11, 2001, stopping suddenly as I watched the Twin Towers collapse in smoke and fire on TV.  I remember my eyes being glued to the screen.  I remember speaking to close friends, just happy to have contact with those I loved.  And I remember praying.

But more memorable than the day itself is the aftermath that ensued. Life in the United States hasn’t been the same since the attacks, and life will never be the same. Here is a list of what I miss about our pre-9/11 world.

I Miss:

• Being able to walk loved ones up to their airport gates to say goodbye.
• The word “terrorist” being a nebulous term heard only when discussing distant countries, versus one I hear frequently at home.
• Free meals on airplanes.
• Knowing that my Indian, Pakistani, and other brown skinned friends can travel without the public fearing that they are terrorists.
• Being able to take a full tube of toothpaste through security.
• Having September 11 feel like every other day in September.

9 Lessons I Learned During My Island Getaway

This year, I had the opportunity to vacation on Catalina Island. Here are 9 lessons I learned while on the island:

1.  Contrary to what people may tell you, it's not okay to eat dessert twice a day just because you're on vacation. (If you choose to believe them, know that it's just as okay to exercise at least one time a day while on that same vacation.)

2.  Deer are startled by sudden noises. Move quietly, though, and you can get pretty close to them.


3.  An ocean view, lined with palm trees, never gets old.


4.  There is such a thing as a chorus of crickets.  (I heard them!)


5.  This earth truly is God's creation, His handiwork.


6.  Modern technology in its many forms (cell phones, fb, email) is so overrated.  De-pluggling periodically is so necessary.


7.  Eating, reading, praying, playing, and sleeping can fill up an entire 24 hours.  Easily.


8.  There are TONS of stars in the sky to be viewed on any given night.  (You just have to get away from the city lights and smog in order to see them.)


9.  Employment is God's gift to us.  Vacation is our gift to ourselves!

A Little 'Ole Thing Called LOVE!

I'd dare to call it the 8th wonder of the world--this four letter word that is talked about and written about in more books, movie, and loves songs more than nearly every other word, except one big three letter word.


Recently, I had the pleasure of seeing one of my closest friends get married, and the honor of standing by her side as she pledged her love to her betrothed.  While celebrating that beautiful 4th of July weekend with her and a loving consortium of family and friends, flown in from around the world, I began to ponder marriage, and what makes a strong marriage.  How do two become one and stay one forever?


As I look around at the high divorce rates in the U.S., I know that being in love just isn't enough.  Romantic feelings ebb and flow, like the tide; While indicative, they can't be relied upon. 


Is choosing to love one another the key? (Choosing to give, when you're tired of giving, being kind when you want to be curt, being selfless in your service?)  Is a successful marriage dependent on both partners living out this choice?


Some folks would argue that our ability to love unselfishly is a result of the agape (unconditional) love that God displays towards us, and that a strong marriage is built on this.


As someone who is still single and naturally a marriage expert, I believe that the mundaneness of marriage can be infused with marriage's magic when all three are in place.


Ebony and Dedric,


I wish you a wonderful life together. May you always be in love, choose love, and love God's way.  And may your love for one another be eclipsed only by your love for GOD.


Love,
Chante

Falling...

in Love. I've been thinking about it a lot lately.  What does it mean when someone says, "I love you"?

Does it mean that the person is so enamored with their idea of you (either real or perceived) that they overlook the faults that others can't?  Does it mean that you have a significatnt place in their heart that makes them willing to do near anything for you? (legal or otherwise?)  Or does it mean that they like you, or perhaps lust after you, a whole, whole lot?  Maybe it means that he's just-that-into-you--enough to pursue you like a drug addict chases his next fix, and actually put a ring on it.

I don't know that there is one common definition or description of what it's like to fall in love.  Could the most universal experience be revealed in the phrase? 

Here's a definition to try on for fit: Falling in love is when you feel like you're falling--quickly or slowly, but inevitably. Your destination is uncertain, and you're not sure if you'll land in one piece, but it's okay because you're not alone.  Someone is holding your hand.

America the Beautiful

Imagine the government blocking your Internet access. Imagine not having money because you don’t have access to your bank account. Imagine schools being shut down, businesses being closed, and the country being put on a curfew.  Today, Egyptian citizens don’t have to imagine this scenario because they are living it. 

Their stock market crashed on last week, looting and rioting are now commonplace, and a country that was once considered safe is now under military lockdown, its citizens forced to create private militia to protect themselves from dangerous, roving mobs.

Watching these frightening scenes on CNN, I am truly grateful to be a U.S. citizen.  No, my country is hardly picture-perfect. It has a legacy of grave social and political wrongs, but it is a democracy where its citizens get to exercise choice. 

Collectively, as citizens, we get to decide who will govern us.  Our political system allows two very differing groups to try to solicit our votes, and if we don’t agree with their views, we can always vote for a third party contender—a wealthy independent candidate or a green party favorite, both equally destined to lose. 

But once elected, even our President doesn’t have absolute power:  He is checked by our legislators, who are in turn checked by our judges.  And his reign is limited.  Our President has to try to get re-elected four years later, and if she or he wins another term, has to leave office after two terms because of term limits. 

Our founding fathers had enough forethought to create safeguards; for this I am grateful, more now than ever before.

Thanksgiving

This year, I am thankful for:

• Family whom I would be friends with even if we weren’t related.
• The amazingly good, fattening food that I gobbled down on Thanksgiving, guilt free.
• The fact that Jesus holds onto me, even when I don’t hold onto Him.
• An accountability partner who listens compassionately through all of my rants.
• A job! (A lot of people don’t have one right now.)
• A job I really like. (Most people don’t have this, ever.)
• A side hustle. (A sista’s gotta keep busy!)
• Another side hustle. (Cause two is better than one?)
• The fact that I don’t have to cook most nights because I live with a chef.
• My Macbook, which is still going strong after five years.
• The art of writing.
• Facebook. (It’s just fun.)

Summer's Simplicities

Summer’s here!  Are you enjoying it?

Summer is the perfect time to:

• Take a Walk
• Plant a Garden
• Go Swimming
• Reconnect with Old Friends
• Learn a New Hobby

This summer, I’m learning to sew. (It’s about time I put the sewing machine I received four Christmases ago to good use!)  My goal: to make cute summer skirts and dresses.  Did you know that you can buy a yard of fabric for only a few bucks and make either a skirt or a dress for under $10?

I started to make my first dress this week.  I got the fabric in the Caribbean, while on vacation with my two of my best friends last year.  It’s bright and flowery, just like summer.  I don’t know how well it will turn out, cause it’s my very first project, but I’m proud of myself for trying.  I’ll keep you posted on how it turns out.

What are you doing this summer?